My annual soundtracks

This is a personal tradition i started in 2007.  I decided to make a soundtrack for every year of my life with a song for each month.  Here is my 2007 soundtrack:

2007: My year in music

Pre. Zero 7 – “In the Waiting Line”
Jan. Radiohead – “Up On the Ladder”
Feb. Republika – “Poranna Wiadomość”
Mar. Mackenzie Phillips – “Another World”
Apr. Tori Amos & Ani DiFranco – “Silent All These Years”
May. Duncan Sheik – “Half-Life”
Jun. Imogen Heap – “Hide and Seek”
Jul. Joe Purdy – “Isn’t Love”
Aug. Cat Power – “Evolution”
Sep. KT Tunstall – “Universe & U”
Oct.
week 1. The Doors – “The End”
week 2. Neil Young – “After the Gold Rush”
week 3. Aqualung – “Garden of Love”
week 4. The Poems – “Ballad of a Bitter End”
week 5. Ingrid Michaelson – “Keep Breathing”
Nov. Brandi Carlile – “That Year” (live in Birmingham)
Dec. Nick Drake – “Time Has Told Me”
Fin. Simon & Garfunkel – “The Only Living Boy in New York”

I know, there’s a prelude and finale, and October has five(!) songs.  I’ve got a lot of explaining to do.

Life is fluid and circular, or so i think, so i thought a prelude and finale would be necessary to lead into 2007 and move forward to 2008.  And quite a lot happened in October.  Disastrous things that left me hurt and helpless.  I’ll get into these in a moment.

The reason i started this in 2007 is that that year was a monumental year for me.  It’s the year i became an adult, through going against my parents’ wishes out of love, through putting my psychological well-being at stake out of love, through sacrificing basically everything out of love.  I fell in love for the first time, and it was an unconditional, yet impossible, love.

For those who do not know me personally, i will explain my reasoning behind the songs i chose.  Naturally, you’ll understand the reasoning only if you know the songs.

Pre. Zero 7 – “In the Waiting Line”
2006 was an existential year for me, both literally and philosophically.  In my senior year of high school (Sept. 2005 to Jun. 2006), i read a lot of existential literature in AP Literature.  To note the most obvious ones, we read the following (in the listed order): Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, Waiting for Godot, and The Stranger.  I was depressed by the first, felt uneasy and empty because of the second (but still appreciated the work), and the third, well, if you read this little entry of mine, you already know that it saved my life.  I struggled with clinical depression from Dec. 2005 to Apr. 2006, and the only thing that saved me from its throes is that book.  From then on, i was a nihilist, and now, i’m an existentialist.

2007

Jan. Radiohead – “Up On the Ladder”
Not such a memorable month.  Just a bit of confusion.  Coming from nihilistic roots, i didn’t really see the point in anything and struggled to find meaning in life.

Feb. Republika – “Poranna Wiadomość”
Kind of a hectic month, academically.

Mar. Mackenzie Phillips – “Another World”
I found this whole other world by falling in love with a classmate in Writing class (the aforementioned friend).  I didn’t know what was happening then, and i was unsure about crossing into that world.

Apr. Tori Amos & Ani DiFranco – “Silent All These Years”
An important month academically.  I was taking some incredible courses with incredible professors (it just may have been the most influential semester of my academic career), and i truly found myself for the first time, not just as a student, but as a growing human being.  I realized that i was in love with that friend.  This April was quite a beautiful month.  I had learned that love gave meaning to life.

May. Duncan Sheik – “Half-Life”
I wanted him to run away with me.

Jun. Imogen Heap – “Hide and Seek”
My existential crisis as i spent a summer physically away from him and emotionally away from my parents.  Second coming of depression.  He told me his darkest secret, which he had been hiding from me since the beginning, but it didn’t change anything between me and him.

Jul. Joe Purdy – “Isn’t Love”
Summer love, if only through mail (both electronic and snail) between California and New Jersey.

Aug. Cat Power – “Evolution”
Something didn’t feel right.  I felt our friendship weakening somehow, but for no particular reason.

Sep. KT Tunstall – “Universe & U”
By then, we had been telepathic.  Only he never realized it.  Between you and me, i think he and i still are telepathic.

Oct.
week 1. The Doors – “The End”
He had to go to the ER.  3 times.  I lied to my parents, and then admitted the truth.  They came to his dorm, made a scene in front of me, him, his roommate, and the public safety officers, and dragged me back home to Jersey.  He ended the friendship the following night.  I suffered from panic attacks and worsening depression.
week 2. Neil Young – “After the Gold Rush”
I never found out the real reason he ended it.
week 3. Aqualung – “Garden of Love”
I didn’t have him, but i had the garden.  It was our garden, and this was our song.
week 4. The Poems – “Ballad of a Bitter End”
I listened to this song every time i circled the garden and replayed in my head the scenes from the May evening we spent in it.
week 5. Ingrid Michaelson – “Keep Breathing”
All i could do at that point was keep breathing.

Nov. Brandi Carlile – “That Year” (live recording from Birmingham)
Cultivating that friendship and ultimately losing it was the most difficult thing i had gone through.

Dec. Nick Drake – “Time Has Told Me”
A year had turned me into a different person.

Fin. Simon & Garfunkel – “The Only Living Boy in New York”
Hope for 2008.  What a sublime year 2007 was.

~~~~~

And so far, 2008 is just as sublime.  Stick around ’til the end of the year for my second annual soundtrack.  I hope you all make the most of the rest of the year.

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4 Comments

Filed under academics, art, college, depression, love, new york, personal

4 responses to “My annual soundtracks

  1. sherrieh

    You make some interesting observations. To help you on your Journey to Loving Your life and yourself, then you might want to visit Love My Journey at http://www.sherrieh.wordpress.com. I love the idea of chosing a song for each month of your journey and am going to “borrow” it as a fantastic strategy for living life and charting your map! You are the creator of your own unique universe.

  2. n

    Thanks, sherrieh, and i’m honored to have inspired you with my soundtrack!

  3. Pingback: 2008: The year in music « thoughts on the loo

  4. Pingback: thoughts on the couch, issue #7b: Closure « thoughts on the loo

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