What to do from here?

I have a comfortable life here, but it feels unfulfilling in so many ways.

I like my job, but i wish i could be doing some real teaching, i.e. not EFL teaching (refer to this post for more on this).

I miss learning.  A lot.  Ever since coming here, i haven’t had any time to read intellectually stimulating material.  I used to consume so much information back in the States; i’d read regularly and catalogue images.  I miss that.  I miss that so much.  I miss having the time to look at interesting things online.  I’m getting stupid!  And i think it shows!

On the other hand, i’ve grown so attached to my apartment that i don’t think i could bear to leave it in August.  I don’t know why i’m thinking so far ahead.  I’m usually not like this; planning has never been a strong point or even an interest of mine.  I think i’m afraid of going back to the States, even though i miss it a lot, because it would mean finding a new job and being closer to my family (because if i were to go back, i’d probably go back to NYC).

I’m not even sure if i wanna go to grad school for Philosophy anymore.  I become more and more afraid everyday; i have so many doubts.  ‘I’m not smart enough, i’m not hardworking enough, i’m not passionate enough…’

Maybe my life here is holding me back from doing what i really wanna do.  I’m starting to think all of this was a bad idea.  I think everything will be better if i go back to school, and the most cost effective way to do that would be to enroll at Yonsei, i think, but their application period isn’t until October.  I don’t know how much longer i can do what i’m doing now without being disappointed with myself.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under career, personal

2 responses to “What to do from here?

  1. Jingjing

    Let’s meet in NY in September

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s