Monthly Archives: March 2011

Pleasant dreams that haunt

My last dream was the only one i remember being so perfectly pleasant from beginning to end.  Everything was so convincingly real; from the main plot to the characters right down to their individual quirks, the story and its framework were a carefully lifted extension of real life, my life here, my life now.  I was fully invested in the story; i dreamt it in the first-person, and every move i made, every feeling i felt, was analogous to my character in waking life.  It was too real for me to even tell whether i was dreaming what i wished for or what truly will happen in the near future.  It was everything i wished for (and still wish for, possibly, maybe subconsciously), yet there were enough flaws in the story—pitfalls in the dream life—to convince me that the dream could be real enough to be premonitory.

It was part three of a series of dreams i’ve been dreaming on the same issue.  It’s amazing how much the story develops with each episode.  Every development is believable; there’s a clear explanation for every story arc, logical reasons for everything that the characters do.

I regularly have premonitory dreams.  This is only my second set of episodic dreams.

My dreams rarely ever make this much sense while being completely fictional.

The dreams i have the most trouble with are the ones with people i know in them.  When a dream moves and haunts me as much as this one does, i feel obligated to tell the people who were in it.  This time, i can’t bear to.  And i lost episode 2.

What if it is a premonition?  What if it’s the kind of premonition where it’s best for everyone to know about it?  But even if i did tell them, how could they possibly understand exactly what i felt, what i saw, what i knew so certainly in the dream?  It was something i could never believe in real life.

Or what if it’s the kind that doesn’t come true unless you do something about it?  Like a whisper in your ear urging you to go after what you were always too afraid to pursue?  Because you could never do that in real life?

4 Comments

Filed under korea, perception, sketches

Losing everyday

You encounter a problem.  A big, but simple problem that can be resolved in one of two simple ways, one of which hurts you.  You know how this problem will be resolved, and you know it’ll be resolved in the way that hurts you, and you know there’s nothing you can do about it.  It’s like being trapped in a maze, a maze with a “good” exit and a “bad” exit, except you don’t get to find your own way out; you’re getting dragged towards the “bad” exit, where pain and suffering await you.

It’s not fate.  There’s no such thing as fate in this world.  It’s like being at the mercy of someone else, having a say in what they do to you in this maze, and being heard—intently and with great consideration—but ultimately not having any power to change their mind.

It’s unfair.  It’s unfair because you can’t shake the feeling that you have a right to influence the outcome—the right to make moves of your own—but you can’t plead your case because it’s just a feeling, not a fact.

And meanwhile, with each passing day, with every turn you’re forced to make, you inch closer and closer to the bad exit.  How would you feel?  How are you supposed to feel?

If i were the one making the moves, i’d not only listen, but change my mind.

4 Comments

Filed under korea, love, personal