Losing everyday

You encounter a problem.  A big, but simple problem that can be resolved in one of two simple ways, one of which hurts you.  You know how this problem will be resolved, and you know it’ll be resolved in the way that hurts you, and you know there’s nothing you can do about it.  It’s like being trapped in a maze, a maze with a “good” exit and a “bad” exit, except you don’t get to find your own way out; you’re getting dragged towards the “bad” exit, where pain and suffering await you.

It’s not fate.  There’s no such thing as fate in this world.  It’s like being at the mercy of someone else, having a say in what they do to you in this maze, and being heard—intently and with great consideration—but ultimately not having any power to change their mind.

It’s unfair.  It’s unfair because you can’t shake the feeling that you have a right to influence the outcome—the right to make moves of your own—but you can’t plead your case because it’s just a feeling, not a fact.

And meanwhile, with each passing day, with every turn you’re forced to make, you inch closer and closer to the bad exit.  How would you feel?  How are you supposed to feel?

If i were the one making the moves, i’d not only listen, but change my mind.


Filed under korea, love, personal

4 responses to “Losing everyday

  1. Eve

    Yes to everything. Being at the mercy of someone else’s decision is decidedly uncomfortable, to say the least.

    But, what about the problem that can be resolved in one of two simple ways, and BOTH of them somehow hurt?

    • n

      well, there was a third solution to the problem, one that would’ve made me happy and the other person probably uneasy, but i knew it wouldn’t be an option for that person. oh well, the problem has sort of been resolved for now, so it’s not bothering me at the moment.

  2. Eve

    Got it. Glad it’s not currently bothering you.

    I have a problem that will be resolved in exactly one way, and it will hurt. Such is life, or so I am told.

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