Category Archives: depression

The things that stay for you

I was feeling down tonight, still suffering from this and grey weather, so on the way back from a 10pm Trader Joe’s run, i had a cigarette in front of my building, holding a bag of strawberries that i hoped would cheer me up.

I didn’t expect the scenery above:  the sky was a dark indigo with a tinge of green, and the grey clouds wrapped the nearly full moon—a perfectly white moon, just the way i like it.  As the smoke from my mouth tangled with the air, fading into the clouds, the street lamps soaked the white-bloomed tree in amber, and i was happy for a moment.  

Maybe a full moon will be waiting for me tomorrow night.

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Filed under depression, nature, new york, personal, sketches

Forgiveness

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What do you do when he who has hurt you irreparably wants to get back in touch?  

What do you do when you can’t forgive him but don’t want to hurt him either?  

What do you do when you know that forgiving him would mean hurting your loved ones?  

 

artist credit: Kevin Townsend

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Filed under depression, love, personal, sketches

Maybe i’ve outgrown New York

 

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There’s something about New York.  It’s amazing and depressing at the same time, and i’m starting to feel more of the depressing part these days.  Despite having grown up in urban and suburban areas, i feel like the city is becoming too much for me.  All i can think about these days is retreating to nature.  I used to love taking aimless walks here, so i went out this weekend to take advantage of the warmer weather, but i didn’t enjoy the walks this time.  It was an opportunity to think to myself, but the roads, the cars, the crowds just got to be a bit much.  

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My annual soundtracks

This is a personal tradition i started in 2007.  I decided to make a soundtrack for every year of my life with a song for each month.  Here is my 2007 soundtrack:

2007: My year in music

Pre. Zero 7 – “In the Waiting Line”
Jan. Radiohead – “Up On the Ladder”
Feb. Republika – “Poranna Wiadomość”
Mar. Mackenzie Phillips – “Another World”
Apr. Tori Amos & Ani DiFranco – “Silent All These Years”
May. Duncan Sheik – “Half-Life”
Jun. Imogen Heap – “Hide and Seek”
Jul. Joe Purdy – “Isn’t Love”
Aug. Cat Power – “Evolution”
Sep. KT Tunstall – “Universe & U”
Oct.
week 1. The Doors – “The End”
week 2. Neil Young – “After the Gold Rush”
week 3. Aqualung – “Garden of Love”
week 4. The Poems – “Ballad of a Bitter End”
week 5. Ingrid Michaelson – “Keep Breathing”
Nov. Brandi Carlile – “That Year” (live in Birmingham)
Dec. Nick Drake – “Time Has Told Me”
Fin. Simon & Garfunkel – “The Only Living Boy in New York”

I know, there’s a prelude and finale, and October has five(!) songs.  I’ve got a lot of explaining to do.

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Filed under academics, art, college, depression, love, new york, personal