Dead relatives

It’s always bothered me that i never miss my dead relatives.  Not even my maternal grandfather who loved me dearly and played with me often when i was growing up.  I never think about them, and when someone reminds me of them, i don’t get sad or reminiscent.  I feel nothing.  And then i feel bad that i’m completely unaffected when the person who brought up the dead relative gets sad.  

When i heard that my maternal grandfather died, i only cried because i felt that i should.  At the funeral, i felt more awkward than sad.  What left the greatest impression on me that day was how the heavy rain and run off on the hills made the whole ceremony seem like a scene right out of a movie.  Perhaps if other people were uncontrollably crying, i would have been sad out of empathy, but everyone, including my mother and grandmother, was fairly composed.  I’m sure it would be a different story had it been my mom or dad that died, but it still disturbs me that i never even think about those loved ones that died.  I can’t believe i’m saying this, but i don’t think i’d be crushed if my only living grandmother died tomorrow, and i’m very close with her.  I love her, but i’m not afraid of losing her.  And i’m not afraid of death.  Is this normal, or am i cold and unfeeling?

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2 Comments

Filed under love, personal

2 responses to “Dead relatives

  1. Maybe it depends on how your family handles death. It could be that your family accepts that it will happen and move on, and that’s just how death is looked at in your family.

    I know that it’s pretty common in my family to look at death in that way. Not being overly sad doesn’t mean that you don’t care, it just means you accept what happened. And you don’t have to be weeping to be sad, either; it could just be an emotion you recognize internally.

  2. n

    Yeah, it’s like that in my family too, but it still bothers me that i don’t think about them at all and that i essentially don’t care that they died. I mean, i care for their sake, but not for mine, you know?

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